I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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