Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
