ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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