Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
