his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We had sex on a dog bed..
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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