I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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