apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
