The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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