Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
