Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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