You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
