In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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