just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
