:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
