I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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