i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
