:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
