My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
