How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
