I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
