my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
