I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
