Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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