Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
