Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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