Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
