i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
