Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
