Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
