If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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