Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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