this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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