Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
