Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
