New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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