I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
