Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
