How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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