YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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