I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
