is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
