The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
