two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
