This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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