I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You made out with two different species that night
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
