You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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