I wish i was in the wii world.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
