Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
