Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
