Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
