God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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