haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
