Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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